I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
His hands were made for my vagina.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
