Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
