I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
