Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
