Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
