Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
