get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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