I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Drunk walkin through police station. America
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
