It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
