Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
