his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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