Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
