but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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