You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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