chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
