What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Randomize
