I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
last night I used snow as a chaser
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
