it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
