I wanna passion pit in your ass
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
