I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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