I smell stomach acid.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
