i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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