Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
So vagazzling was a success
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
