Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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