I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I made him laugh his dick is mine
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
