The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
