okay pat passed out under dana's car
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
