I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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