I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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