Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Randomize
