my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
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