What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
