There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize