i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
