Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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