Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
