I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
