and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Randomize
