Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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