i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
