She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
