even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
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