Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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