She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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