bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
