If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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