Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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