highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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