I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm experimenting with sincerity
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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