fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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