My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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