My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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