I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
