some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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