He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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