Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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