I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
