just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
