Already got asked if we're dating
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Text me some of your sweat
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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