I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
