i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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